farters have to be the big spoon...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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