Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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