Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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