Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize