my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
