I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
