Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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