420 ftw
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
