Cold hands, warm shart.
i think my mom watched the whole time
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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