He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
