we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
