I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
