Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
