just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
