He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
