chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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