Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
