i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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