just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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