Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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