i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
