If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
