I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
