Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
