Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
