Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
