The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
