Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
