he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
