why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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