Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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