Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
