The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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