Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
