i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
