So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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