Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
