I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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