Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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