Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
