You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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