We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm like, not good at living.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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