Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
