you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
