Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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