no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
