What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
