I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
