Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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