It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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