Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
