oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
