First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
