he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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