I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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