I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
