when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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