Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
