I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"it" just moved
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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