Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
