I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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