So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
