I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish I only lived at night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
