i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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