Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
