Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
