Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
