I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize