I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
